As a child if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would not have said a stay-at-home mother. I had an endless list of future careers, but mother was not one of them. I gave birth to my first child and my plans exploded in my face. I wanted to be with her every minute. I chose to stay home and stuff my law degree in the closet along with my high heeled shoes, dry clean only shirts, and endless suits.
Not surprisingly, motherhood shattered my identity. I imagine that most new mothers (and fathers) have a slight identity crisis. I don’t like to bake, craft, cook, or clean. I never liked to babysit or play with dolls. Pinterest baffles me. I thought I had to do those things. I felt invisible as if people who looked at me could only see the baby on my hip. As if the role of stay-at-home mother equated to me having nothing to say at all.
In the universe of mothers there are lines drawn in the sand, working vs. stay-at-home, breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, attachment parents vs. babywise parents, etc. The list is endless. These lines are isolating. The crazy part is that these lines become cataclysmic because if we are honest most mothers at times feel slightly insecure about the choices we make. We are slightly defensive about this life choice. We may be ultra sensitive when those around us point out our differences. We put up walls. Embrace labels. This is a shame, because we all share certain truths, the paramount truth being that we all just want the best for our children.
Back to my story.
Identity crisis ensued. No one admits these things. No one admits that they doubt their choices. I felt scorned by the working moms and scorned by the stay-at-home moms for not being blissed out on motherhood. I felt alone.
It was my insecurity that perpetuated these divides.
Then suddenly, an answer, reinvention. Reinvention of who I thought I was going to be. Reinvention of what it means to be a stay-at-home mother. Reinvention of how I perceived myself.
A story is a snap shot of a moment in time. This is a snap shot of a moment a few years ago when I felt invisible in the role of stay-at-home mother.
Now this new mother almost seems like a character in a story I once read.
I am happy.
Check out my essay featured on Mamalode today.
Also, I just created a Facebook page for the blog, “like it” and you will get all my publications delivered to your news feed.